Saturday, 25 February 2012

The Perfect 9.5



She didn't take much notice of him at first.

He was consistent, persistent, earthy, normal, serious, focused, funny and all of those things that would make her pause for a second or two. Still, she couldn’t be bothered. It wasn’t the time of her life to place that much significance on a man simply because he showed some interest. They had met at a restaurant where they sat at separate tables – stood up by those they had been there to meet on a first blind date. As the seconds ticked by, minutes, an hour and then another half hour, their eyes met across the room a few times. He smiled and thumbed through the pages of a newspaper. She played with her sleeked back hair and scanned the room, conscious of the fact that her table was not exactly in a discrete corner and the restaurant was filling up fast.  As she got out of the restaurant into the warm summery night, she could hear footsteps in the darkly lit street. It was him. She smiled.

“Hi, I’m Kenny.”
“Hi”. She smiled again. “Kelly”
They both laughed.
“I saw you leaving and thought perhaps you wouldn’t mind sharing a coffee with me?”
He gestured towards a posh café across the street. She nodded.

The next six months was a blur as she questioned whether she needed a man in her life. So he wore brown shoes and liked to squeal during sex. He was a lovely man who loved her more than any man had. And she loved him too.

She took some soil in her hands and let it slip through her fingers, watching as it settled on the coffin. The soil slipping through her fingers made her smile. He loved brown as much as he loved gardening. Those hands…powerful hands that roamed over her body with a mastery of knowledge that only he had. She had analysed him too much and now it was too late. She gave him a 9.5 when he was always a ten. She knew that now.

©Adura Ojo, February 25, 2012
Word Count: 345

Posted for Romantic Friday Writers' Prompt: The Perfect 9.5. Join us here. You don't have to be a member to post a story. Just link up after you've posted.


22 comments :

  1. Oh Adura!
    What a story!
    It just blew me away!
    So well-penned!

    Loved the way you mixed the soil in her hands that she let fall on his coffin with her thoughts about how she loves gardening! One of many exquisite images.

    Best wishes and hugs,
    Anna
    Anna's Perfect 9.5 for RFW No 32

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    1. Enjoyed reading your story too. Thanks, Anna.

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  2. What a beautiful story... my other half's watching me taking the mick out of my eyes feeling up! What an ending. Beautifully written.... oh I could wax lyrical about this for hours :)
    Laura x

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    1. Awww...Laura. Your letters were a sight for sore eyes - It was the complete opposite for me as they made me laugh. Hope you didn't mind your eyes filling up - hopefully for all the right reasons:) Thank you so much for your comment.

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  3. Dear Adura,
    Thank you so much for you kind words about my 9.5-post. I think you really understand what I am trying to do with my stories. After writing about faeries, cats, ghosts and gnomes, I thought I'd try to write something about children, in this case, fraternal twins.

    Read your story again. I love it!

    Anna
    xoxo

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  4. Adura, the imagery of the brown shoes, the brown dirt spilling through her fingers, is inspired. Poignant, wonderful.

    Denise

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    1. Hi Denise,

      The enjoyment for me comes when people see what I see. Thank you.

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  5. Hi again Adura,
    I'm just checking to see if you have word verification.
    xoxo
    Anna

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    1. Thanks for checking, Anna. Nice to be reassured the WV is off. You are such a sweetheart:) Have a lovely week, Anna.

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  7. I really enjoyed this story. I can see and feel the characters clearly. It's warm and touching.

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    1. Thanks Kitten. Always a pleasure to see you here.

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  8. Very touching. I loved the way they met; waiting on others. And his fondness for brown was an excellent character trait.

    ......dhole

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    1. Thanks, Donna. I need to do more character trait work, I think. It has given me some ideas for another story.

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  9. My dear Adura,
    I came by thinking I was going to be thrilled by your prosetry and you have me almost in tears instead with this little number. The ending took me by surprise, but it's perfect..from start to finish. I agree with a few of the others too...the brown was a nice touch (smile)
    I felt this story.
    Thanks for sharing. Thanks for the kind words too.

    BTW, I like the new color & feel of your blog...very crisp & clean. <3

    True Beauty Comes From Imperfection.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Thank you so much for your lovely comments, my friend. I'm scared that with this much prose, my poetry muse might take flight and find a home elsewhere. LOL. I'll have to pray that my next entry is a poem or some prosetry.

      The brown - like most little ideas - fitted in at the right moment. I'm glad it's got some rave reviews from you and other readers.

      And you're the only one who noticed the new look:D

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  10. That was a very sweet, poignant story, nicely told.

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  11. Hi Adura, sorry, I didn't comment on your new look (so few ever comment when I make changes too) but it is lovely. I'm always greedy to jump straight to your writing I confess I don't take a lot of notice of the setting, lol. Love it. D.

    Thanks for removing WV. Hope you didn't mind my bringing it up but I always think - don't upset your readers...

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    1. Hi Denise,

      I'm glad you brought up the word verification issue because I wouldn't have known it was turned on, otherwise. So, thanks for letting me know. Glad you like the new look too:)

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